Highs and lows

Obviously a lot has happened since the last update. There have been small rays of good, but mostly it's been a lot of pain and trying to figure out who I can actually trust. It's certainly been a real eye opener for me.

When you're the person who instigated a separation, people tend to forget that despite the mistakes you've made, the actual break up of your marriage is still painful to you. Don't get me wrong, I am not playing the victim and I am well aware of my mistakes, but people tend to forget that you're hurting too. Not everyone, of course. I've had some fantastic family and friends stand by me, even if they don't agree with my decisions, they have supported me and helped through the hurt, and for that I am grateful, because without them I probably would have gone a bit nuts.

For those who seem to say they will stick by me and not pick sides, but then invariably do by their actions (whether intentional or not), I just wish they would remember that no matter how things appeared on the surface, no one knows what actually went on in our relationship except for me and Glen.

We have generally kept things amicable and civil but this last week has been the lowest of the low. As a result my self esteem is once again absolutely shattered and it will probably take me a long time to try and rebuild it. But that's for me to work through, I'm not writing it to engender sympathy or pity, but this is my blog and I just want to say what I'm feeling right now.

So what, in all this, could possibly have been the highs mentioned in the title, you ask?

Well my Mum, on the spur of the moment, suggested that for the January long weekend her and I drive to Victoria to visit my Uncle and Aunt in Warrnambool, as well as my cousin in Melbourne. It was a fantastic suggestion, and something that was desperately needed. Mum and I shared the drive, had no dramas, and took it easy. We first went to Melbourne to spend time with my favourite cousin and her gorgeous family which was just fantastic. The next day we drove to Warrnambool where we spent the next few nights at my Uncle's house. He showed us the sights of Warrnambool (surprisingly awesome beaches) and then took us along the Great Ocean Road to see all the tourist spots. It was beautiful. Mum and I drove home on Tuesday morning and stopped off at Mt Gambier to see the Blue Lake, and returned home exhausted from the drive but refreshed mentally. So, a glimmer of positive in all this crap.

Today Glen gets the keys to his new place, and tomorrow is the big moving day. I don't pretend that it will be easy, but logically I know it needs to be done. Then we need to sort out the legal stuff, and I'm not sure how easy any of that will be as we've already had some disagreements, but alas, it needs to be done...

So that's the update in a very small nutshell. Hopefully, with Uni starting again in a couple of weeks and my life getting into another routine I'll have something else to write about. But for now, this is all consuming.